How To Be Happier

When we think of being happy, we may start daydreaming about what it might take to make us feel happy. We may think of a new job, new routine, new car, or even different hobbies. These external things and thoughts of a future we do not have yet will only get us so far. Most of us would only experience temporary happiness from getting new things or having a change of scenery. Long term happiness comes from something different, an internal shift. 

Happiness is something we choose everyday, it has to be intentional. Similar to any other goal we have, showing up and putting in the upfront work is what matters. Intentional happiness is like exercising a muscle, at first it may be uncomfortable, but after a while it starts to feel more natural. To achieve long term happiness we have to change our mindset to be more content, confident, and satisfied. Feeling happy with what you have is a very important place to start. Often this mindset is called gratitude, gratitude is realizing all the things you have that bring your life joy, comfort, and stability. Sometimes it can be hard to practice gratitude, especially when we are going through a challenging time. The important thing to remember is we have more control over our lives than we may think, whatever challenge we may be going through will eventually pass and get better. 

A lovely piece of wisdom I heard a couple years ago is taking a situation that on the surface looks bad, and probably even feels bad, and asking yourself “How is this the best thing that has ever happened to me?”. This question is an extreme take in the opposite direction of negativity. It is meant to be a question that really makes you think hard about what good could come out of a perceived bad situation. 

I do want to make it clear that I do not support repressing or ignoring your emotions. Emotions can be complicated and overwhelming. In my experience the best way to deal with big emotions is to acknowledge them, and then let them pass. Feel what you are feeling, and then let it go. The exercise mentioned above is a practice in not staying stuck in a negativity spiral, and is not meant to shove down any emotions you may be having. Instead it is giving you the opportunity to look at a situation through a different lens so that you can work through the problem at hand. 

You can also practice gratitude while still having the intention and motivation to make changes in your life. Gratitude does not mean that you have to stay in the same situation, or that you can not make changes for a better future. All it means is finding peace and serenity in the current moment. Having serenity in your current situation will allow you to have a clear head so that you can better evaluate the next right step. A good place to start with a gratitude practice is journaling. I enjoy writing a few things when I first wake up in the morning. Starting my day off this way sets the tone for having gratitude, patience, and positivity with any situation I encounter. I do not write any specific amount of things, I just jot down whatever comes to mind. Today the things I wrote down were “a storm I got to watch last night, my dogs, and my progress in learning a second language”. 

Another way you can incorporate gratitude into your life is acknowledging when you have a thought you do not like, and then out loud telling yourself a different story. All thoughts we have are really just stories we tell ourselves. Sometimes they aren’t even our own stories, they are stories that other people have told us. Thoughts like “traffic sucks, people don’t like me, I can’t achieve this goal” are all stories we think, most of which are probably not our original thoughts. So tell yourself a different story, take sitting in traffic as an opportunity to listen to an audio book. Think of three people that definitely like you, and assure yourself that you can absolutely accomplish this new goal. Those stories are far more likely to be true anyways. Change the narrative in your head and you will start to see your outlook on things change dramatically in a relatively short amount of time. 

The last piece of advice I have for you is to understand that certain things are outside of your control. This may sound simple, but it is really hard to put into practice. You do have control over your attitude, your mindset, what you eat, how you treat your body, and a lot of other things! You do not have control over other people, how they act, what they do, the weather, or what time of day it is. When something outside of your control happens, try hard not to let it weigh on you for too long. Take notice of the frustration or disappointment, and then understand that it is out of your control and let it go. Putting this into practice during your day to day will give you so much peace and serenity. As much as it may not feel like it sometimes, you do have more control than it seems, even if that control is just over how you respond to situations. 

Overall being happier takes practice just like anything else, and it will take effort to feel the change. The effort you put in is worth it, and will benefit you and your loved ones in the long term. Start small and implement some of the above listed exercises and see what differences you feel in a few weeks time. It may even be beneficial to journal about any changes you feel during this process. Keeping track of how you feel each time you respond in a new way to a situation could keep you motivated in this journey.

I hope this has been helpful and that you continue to find happiness in your life. 

Pursuit, Plants, Serenity.